


For Forever

by stayawake



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Connor Deserves Happiness, M/M, am i projecting???? ye, connor and evan eventually date, connor and evan were childhood friends, connor deserves more than he got, cynthia and heidi are bffs, cynthia loves evan sm, my deh headcannons, random oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-17 16:05:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12369252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stayawake/pseuds/stayawake
Summary: A collection of one shots and headcannons about Dear Evan Hansen centering around Connor and Evan.





	1. Zoe's 10th Birthday - Age 11

**Author's Note:**

> What a creative and unique title I KNOW.
> 
> Anyway this is a series of short one shots/headcannons that I have. And I have a LOT so I'll probably post a lot, but no promises. All chapters are their own one shot and they all take place in the same universe. Also Connor lives because this is a happy fanfiction (at times.)
> 
> Feel free to let me know of any ideas you have!!! I'd love to take a crack at writing them.

It’s Zoe’s first sleepover party and no boys are allowed.

Except for Evan.

Obviously, except for Evan because he’s slept over a million times and he’s essentially the fifth member of the Murphy family, but really, he’s here for Connor.

He arrives early, Cynthia insisted Heidi bring him by early, and he spends a few minutes with Zoe in her room. She shows Evan her new keyboard and new art kits and new stuffed animals. 

Even if he’s Connor’s best friend, Zoe still loves him. He’s at their house almost every day and sometimes Zoe feels like she has two older brothers. Sometimes she prefers Evan to Connor and then she feels guilty for it.

~

His palms are sweaty and he knows it’s ridiculous to freak out about sweaty hands because he’s in a pool and wet from head to toe, but one of the girls brushes his arm by mistake and Evan clamps his eyes shut. Maybe he’ll duck underwater and stay there for the rest of the party. He looks around and sees Connor sitting with his feet dangling in the water and talking to another girl. Evan lets out a shaky breath and makes his way out of the pool and into the house.

Normally he would freak out about tracking water into the Murphy house, but he doesn’t know which towel is his and he doesn’t want to grab the wrong towel. He doesn’t want to do anything out of place. He can’t let it slip that he doesn’t belong.

Evan finds himself in the kitchen and slides to the floor. His back is against the fridge and his head is in his hands. He can feel his heart beating louder and louder, and a part of him is worried it’s going to just stop completely. He briefly considers how that wouldn’t be a bad thing.

He’s shaking and sweating and crying and he doesn’t know why. He’s eleven years old and far too old to be crying in his friend’s kitchen for no reason. This kind of thing has been happening a lot lately, and he’s always at home when it happens. He doesn’t know what to do despite the Murphy house being a second home to him.

The next thing he hears is Connor repeating his name and Evan just tugs on his hair as hard as he can. Connor’s asking him what’s wrong and Evan can’t answer. He can’t talk. He can’t say anything. He doesn’t even know why he’s upset.

Connor’s calling for his mom and soon Cynthia is in the house and then sitting next to Evan. He feels her pull him into her chest and he starts sobbing. He clutches her and breathes her in as she rubs his back and whispers to him.

Connor sits down next to them and reaches out and holds Evan’s hand. He’s silent, he doesn’t know what to say, but he wants to be there for his best friend. He runs his thumb lightly over the back of Evan’s hand until Evan’s breathing evens out.

Cynthia smiles sadly as she glances at Connor who won’t tear his eyes from Evan. Heidi warned her a few months ago that Evan’s started having panic attacks. It was only a matter of time before one happened at the Murphy house considering how much time Evan spent there.

Evan’s become quieter lately. Heidi talks about it a lot with Cynthia. She’s worried about her son. Cynthia nods in understanding and shares her own concerns about Connor.

Connor and Evan eventually end up in Connor’s room, tucked into his bed with Lady and the Tramp playing on the television. Evan’s exhausted, he always is after a panic attack, and leans against Connor. He’s lost count of how many times he’s fallen asleep in Connor’s bed.

Connor feels more settled now that Evan has calmed down. Sometimes Connor thinks that he loves Evan more than he loves his family. He feels guilty for having those thoughts. Sometimes he imagines he and Evan running away and living in a tree house together. He knows Evan would prefer to live in a tree house.

Evan wakes up a few hours later and they venture downstairs. It’s empty apart from Cynthia and Larry walking through the house and cleaning up after the girls who have now taken over the basement. Connor and Evan plant themselves at the kitchen table with a large bowl of chips and big slices of cake. Connor tries to feed Evan the cake, and Evan mixes the frosting colors together and dips his fingers into it.

Cynthia watches from the other side of the kitchen. Connor is never this happy without Evan around. She’s thankful for the other boy who has become a second son to her.


	2. White Chocolate Chip Cookie - Age 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor loves his mom a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just had this in my mind??? Cynthia loves Connor and he loves her too and he doesn't know how she could love him.

It’s hard for Connor to spend time with his mom. He feels guilty every time he looks at her. She treats him with nothing but love and kindness, and he knows he doesn’t treat her the way he should. He’s short with her and rude and snaps at her sometimes and closes himself off from her, but he's been trying to change. She deserves better than him.

Their relationship has certainly improved over time, but the guilt still remains. Sometimes Connor thinks his mom would be better off if he was dead, but a small part of him also knows that would destroy her. So he settles from distancing himself from her and the rest of his family.

She always offers for him to join her on errands. Now that he’s 18 and heading off to college in a few months, he’s been trying to spend more time with her. Despite feeling like he’s only a burden, he knows that his mom just wants to spend more time with him. She’s always so much happier after they do something together. Connor would do anything to not hurt his mom.

“How’s Evan?” Cynthia asked as they walked into Target.

Connor smiled to himself at the mention of his boyfriend, glancing to the ground and fidgeting with his fingers. “You saw him two days ago, mom,” Connor mumbled.

“I still want to know how he is! Is he excited for school?”

“I don’t know if anyone is excited for school.”

“Alana seems excited for school.”

Connor chuckled, agreeing with that. “So I need new headphones,” he says as he watches his mom wander toward the clothing section.

“Okay, honey, I’ll meet back up with you in a few minutes.”

~

Connor wandered into the book section after about twenty minutes and finally found his mom. Cynthia was standing with a full shopping basket and holding three books. Her eyes lit up when she spotted him.

“Con! Sweetie, here,” she said, handing Connor the books. “A few of my girlfriends were giving me book recommendations for you. These are some things their sons have read. I was thinking you’d like to give them a try. I know how much you love reading,” she said, her eyes full of hope.

Connor stared at the books in his hands, blinking quickly before looking back at her. He used to think she hated him. He used to think the world would be better off and brighter without him. He wished he could let go of all the anger and resentment. His mom was trying.

“Thanks,” he said, his voice soft.

Cynthia touched his arm gently, staring at his face as Connor stared at the books. He wasn’t the same, gentle little boy who barely left her side, but he was no longer a ghost of himself. He was becoming her little boy again.

~

“I got you a surprise,” Cynthia said as soon as she got in the car.

They stopped by the grocery store on the drive home and Connor opted to wait in the car. “Mom,” Connor smiled, shaking his head slightly. “You were in there for five minutes, what could you have even gotten?”

Cynthia smiled. “Don’t tell your father or Zoe because it’s almost five and we really shouldn’t be spoiling dinner for ourselves, but,” she paused. And she pulled out a cookie.

Connor smiled. It was their tradition to go grocery shopping and get a cookie from the bakery together. He used to hate being dragged along for errands so his mom would bribe him with a promise of playing his favorite radio station and a white chocolate chip cookie.

“I figured we’d split it. I know white chocolate is still your favorite,” she said, already breaking the cookie in half.

Connor didn’t know what to say. “You hate white chocolate.”

“But it’s your favorite.” She took a bite and smiled at him.

Connor didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to react. “Mom,” he began, his voice breaking and tears flooding his eyes. He knew it was ridiculous to be crying over something this small for no reason, but he couldn’t help himself.

“I just,” Connor pauses, pulling at a loose strand on his hoodie. He doesn’t know how to get the words out. “You’re so good to me. I’m horrible to you and you treat me so nicely. I have been the worst son for years. I’ve said and done so many bad things. I don’t get how you don’t hate me. How do you not hate me?” He can’t look at her. When he finally looks up, she’s crying too. She leans over and hugs him, and maybe it’s ridiculous to be crying and hugging your mom in a Whole Foods parking lot, but Connor can’t bring himself to care. “I love you, mom,” he mumbles into her shoulder as he clings to her.

“I could never hate you, Connor. I love you and I wouldn’t trade you for anything in the world,” she whispers, holding him close.

“I know you’re trying,” he says quietly. “I know it’s hard. I make things hard and I don’t deserve you.”

“Connor,” she said gently. She pulls back to look at him and brushes his cheek with her thumb. “I love you so much, sweetie. I love you, Connor.” She didn’t know what else to say. Connor’s left her speechless more times than she could count.

“Thank you,” he says, hugging her again.

They soon calm down and enjoy each other’s company as they eat the cookie. They drive home and Cynthia plays Connor’s favorite radio station.


	3. coolmom1970 - Age 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cynthia gets a snapchat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to imagine Cynthia would be one of those moms who becomes obsessed with snapchat and snapchatting her kids. Also based on my real life experience of me snapchatting my friend's mom.

Connor is going to kill Evan.

He doesn’t know how he got here, sitting in math class with his phone vibrating every few minutes. He doesn’t check it. He knows it’s his mom.

They meet after class outside of Evan’s locker and Connor crosses his arms at his boyfriend. “I hate you.” 

Evan looks concerned for no more than three seconds before smiling. “It’s not my fault."

“Not your fault? This is completely your fault,” Connor said, pulling his phone out and handing it to Evan. Notification after notification. 

_Snapchat from: coolmom1970_

_Snapchat from: coolmom1970_

_Snapchat from: coolmom1970_

_Text Message from Mom: Connor, I sent you a snapchat. Go look!_

_Snapchat from: coolmom1970_

_Text Message from Mom: I know you’re getting my snapchats, Connor. Evan replies to my snapchats._

_Snapchat from: coolmom1970_

_Snapchat from: coolmom1970_

“My mom is snapchatting you?”

Evan laughs. “We have a streak.” He pulls up his phone and shows the number three next to Cynthia’s snapchat name.

“What do you guys even snapchat about?”

“She sends me pictures of trees sometimes.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Last night she sent a picture of you at the dinner table.”

“What?”

Evan laughs again, pulling up the screenshot on his phone. Connor rolls his eyes.

“That must be why she had her phone out at dinner. Jesus Christ.”

“Again, not my fault.”

“She’s going to make all her book club and yoga friends snapchat her. I can’t handle this. Evan, if my grandma starts trying to snapchat me I’m going to break up with you.”

“Next time I see her I’m going to make her an instagram.”

_Snapchat from: coolmom1970_


End file.
